May 21, 2011

Here we are my friends. The night before the Rapture alledgedly begins, tomorrow May 21st. The world is scheduled to end officially on October 22, 2011. Accoriding to Harold Camping, the Bible clearly states that the natural disasters of late are signs of the earths empending doom, hence the name, "Doomsday". judgementday2011.com

Seeing as tomorrow is Doomsday, I have a few things that I have to get off my chest before I ascend into paradise. Do you all remember what happened about 5 years ago regarding the chickens who escaped from the White House? Ok, It was all my fault. See this was the plan, the "Bock Squad" were to sneak into the Oval Office via KFC carry-out buckets and sabotage the President's plan to sign over a stimulus check to Chick-fi-la. But the lead officer of the Squad got distracted by the beautiful secretary for the president who was ironically enough, eating a Chick-Fi-La sandwhich. Things happened, glances were exchanged, fire alarms got pulled and rainbows appeared, and before I knew it, my squad of highly trained chickens were being chased from the White House with baseball bats. Within the next two hours the story was all over CNN, and FoxNews. I went into hiding for a few months.

Confession number two. I was "Balloon Boy." My father who shall not be named for the sake of his reputation somehow conviced me it was a good idea to climb inside a giant weather balloon and go flying over the neighborhood. Well I got in the balloon and then Father-dearest went to garage to retrive some rope for the balloon's tail. As I was climbing into my balloon, i noticed a mouse who was running across the attic floor. It scurried behind a large stack of boxes. Well what was I to do? I went after it! As I climbed out of the ane ran away my father came back up, grabbed the balloon and took it outside with no knowledge of my being gone. He sent the balloon into the sky under the impression that I was inside. A few hours after the news crew had gotten a good bit of the story, I was to emerge from the balloon maraciously unharmed. When I didnt pop out, thats when things got screwy. The world accused my father of being a con. Right now i would like to clear his name and take full responsibily for the events that took place that day. In the end, I ended up getting the mouse =]

Ok clearly all of this is completely fabricated and utter non-sense. "No one knows the day or the hour when the second coming will be. Not even the angels in heaven or Son Himself know. Only the Father" Matthew 24:36. 'Nuff said.

Thanks for reading =]